they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
