Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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