Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
