He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
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I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
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So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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