i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
dude i'm inner monologue high
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
