so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
