no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
