Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
