I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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