I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's blow job season.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Pooping to opera.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
