Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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