he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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