once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
