We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Still dying that you shit outside
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize