i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
