The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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