My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
