it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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