I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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