The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
