I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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