I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
