Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
