I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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