Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
