She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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