he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
