Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize