ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
