I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
