Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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