today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
