tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
