Please, let me fuck your mom
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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