didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
