How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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