id be glad to
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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