i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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