she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
