I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
