If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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