Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
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the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I will be naked everywhere
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
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Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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