I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
sarcasm needs its own font
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
