i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
