you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
