Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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