i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
