Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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