idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
