my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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