i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
