community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
