i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
