we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
