bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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