Where did you get a picture of my penis
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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