Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
