If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
