why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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