dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
