we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
