i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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