It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
